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      您现在的位置:主页 > 情感 > 口述实录 > 如何和孩子讨论平权公投:无论怎么选,都不要将孩子推开

      如何和孩子讨论平权公投:无论怎么选,都不要将孩子推开

        朋友跟我邀稿,告诉我他最近收到很多家长的讯息,问他公投怎么投?还有如果同婚通过以后该怎么教小孩?

        “怎么教小孩?” 这么广泛的问题,我甚至不知道自己有没有资格回应。

        我问:“是要问像是‘我该怎么告诉我的儿子他在生理上是个男生,然后接下来应该怎么‘当一个男生’这样的问题吗?” 朋友:“嗯。类似这样的。”

        于是这两天,我不断在想,身为父亲或母亲,有没有什么是一定要教给下一代的。我想对我来说是有的,我猜想或许许多父亲或母亲也一样有这样你或我看为宝贵、至关重要的价值。至于这些价值是什么,我想我并没有资格替除了我以外的任何人回答。

        若是这样,那我还可以谈些什么呢?我没有标准答案,但或许可以试着用三个例子以及我自己相对应每个例子的想法,帮助一些人更清晰的思考这个问题。(推荐阅读:如果你也担心同志教育的适龄问题,你该看看这一篇)

        例子一:每个家一定有每个家的规矩或是模式,我想大家都会同意,这些规矩或是模式某种程度必然传达着这个家的信仰、保护、还有对每一代的心意。有没有可能这些是没有被规范在国家法律之下的?

        比方说,晚上九点以前要回家,这应该不太可能被编进民法。又或者,有没有可能这些与别家的规矩或是模式截然不同?比方说,家里因为宗教缘故吃素,但是女儿闺蜜的家人们庆祝生日的食物是牛排。

        关于这个例子,我在思考的是,大多数的人应该都不会对家长规定自己的孩子晚上几点以前要回家或是全家吃素有太激烈的意见,但若是家长告诉孩子:“那些晚上九点以后还不回家的都是坏孩子,他们的家长不负责任。”

        或者若是家长告诉孩子:“他们家吃牛排又没有宗教信仰,你不要跟他做朋友,他会带坏你跑去吃牛肉或是成为无神论者。”这样的教导是不是就不太恰当了?

        例子二:家长可以买给自己拥有男性外显性征的孩子他所认为适合孩子的衣服和配件,或许也可以告诉孩子:“你穿这样比较好看!”甚至还可以告诉孩子:“裙子是女生的衣服。”(这个例子并没有要讨论对或不对,而是家长拥有这样告诉孩子的选择。)

        关于这个例子,我提出的问题是这样的,一个家教导孩子:“在我们家,男生只能穿裤子”,和一个家教导孩子:“那些穿裙子的男生都不正常,你不要接近他,他的家长一定都是变态。”两者之间有没有差别?

        例子三:家长可以不接受、不承认同性婚姻或是性别光谱,这是国家法律管不着的部分,但当女儿发现自己爱的是女生⋯⋯

        关于这个例子,我忍不住在想,无论性向是先天还是后天,当孩子面对困惑与艰难,决定他有没有勇气告诉家长的关键是什么?(推荐阅读:给父母的出柜信:当了 25 年的“异性恋”后,我选择爱她)

        图片|来源

        我相信每个家都拥有它所看为宝贵、至关重要的价值,我也相信家是人类社会基础的单位之一,然而在这个单位以内,仍然是由一个个有思想情感的活人所组成,当一个或是几个同一个家中的个人面对价值的流动、怀疑、或是碰撞,我们都应该要认知与接纳的事实是:

        即便是在一个家中,谁也无法免强谁成为什么固定样子的人。家长当然可以尽力教,但是最终的选择与结果仍然属于每个独一无二的个人。(我没有说不能影响,我说的是不能控制。)

        面对朋友分享的问题我并没有标准答案,但我知道,当我所爱的孩子做出我不乐见的选择时,我要我们的家仍然是他愿意安心回来的地方,因为如果连自己家里都无法承担碰撞,他就只能去寻找比家柔软的地方。我宁可每天迎接碰撞,也不愿坚硬的将我所爱的孩子推开。

        那么怎样的家可以承担碰撞?没有一个家与另一个家全然相同可类比,所以我依然只能举例子。

        若是我的孩子从小在家中接收的讯息是:“他吃牛肉你千万不要跟他玩喔,吃牛肉的人是我们家不能接受的。”哪天他想吃牛肉或是偷吃了牛肉,他也不会再有勇气跟我坦白了,而我也不会再有机会真正了解他正经历的是快乐还是忧愁。

        若是我的孩子从小在家中接收的讯息是:“我们家不吃肉(我的假设是孩子明白而且家长有尽到说明与沟通的责任),但是你不可以因为这样就认定吃肉的人就都是坏人,他们或许家里有不一样的理由,而即使饮食的不同,他们与你都是应该被真心对待的人。”

        哪天他想吃牛肉或是偷吃了牛肉,或许他仍愿意选择诚实的回家告诉我,因为他会知道就算不同意,也不等于不能同在。

        我怎么教导我的孩子如何对待与他不同的人,当他与我不同的时候,他就会假设我会如何对待他。(推荐阅读:【我们这一代】拥有同理心,让我们活得更像人)

        要投几好几坏,是每个公民的选择权,没有人有权利干涉谁,我始终相信大多数的家长都不会对自己所爱的孩子带有任何恶意,我也相信每个家想传承给下一代的都是上一代看为珍贵的,然而价值的碰撞是成长的一部分,我们谁不是这样长大的?

        于是关于“怎么教小孩?”我想每个家当然有自由在过程中保留、调整、学习属于这个家宝贵、至关重要的价值,但无论如何,别让价值碰撞中的孩子,连家都失去。

      TAG:平权 公投 讨论 推开 要将 无论 都不 如何 怎么 孩子 ★★★ 友情提示:点击图片可进入下一页 ★★★
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